For the past few weeks my life has been filled with depression.  And a few days a ago i had 2 anxiety attacks. I think the reason is my moms passing away about 7 months ago.  I feel sad and lonely although i know that there are people in my life who is there for me.  The main point is that i miss my mom. Its just so different not having her around.  I miss the connection that was there.  I know that in time my heart will heal and that maybe the first year is the hardest.  I want to be able to stand up strong and not be so depressed. 

Chasen and I made our 3 years in October and our daughter, Chaselyn, made 2 in November.  I cant believe how big she has grown.  She is a pretty tall girl with very good memory.  Chaselyn will be having a Kai Lan birthday party on November 13.  I cant wait for it. Ive been planning it for months and the time is finally near.  Ive spent a lot of money trying to make sure Chaselyn gets a wonderful birthday party because her first birthday did not happen the way i wanted it to happen.  If you didnt know Chaselyn has a big collection of balls. She loves playing with stuffed animals and watching lots of educational shows. She also competed in the Meadow Gold Healthy Baby Contest. She did great considering that it was her first time in a competition. 

I still cant believe that Chasen and I are still doing okay.  Just the other day we got into an argument though.  I felt like leaving him because i felt as if I wasnt good enough for him. It feels like the first year with him was rocky. But as the second year past its gotten alot smoother. And now we've reached 3 years of our relationship.  I need to have more confidence in myself and in him.  The other day when we had our fight i lost some trust in him.  I dont know why he had to lie to me and then deny the situation after he had already been caught. It makes me sad and I still am mad at him.  I probably will be mad at him for a few more days hopefully not weeks. I love him and I want things to work out.  I have a lot of faith in both of us. 

Ive finally made over a year for security.  I cant believe im still in this career. Its pretty amazing. This job has made me more independent of myself.  I love everyone at the library. Just the other month i got a promotion but declined it.  I want to maybe move on into TSA.

Have a wonderful day and thanks for reading =)

-Lianne